One Sad Panda
Just like me
Hello everybody.
I know.. Long time, no see.
I have been having a hard lately and haven't been in the mood to blog.
For whatever reason, my depression has decided to mess with my mind.
And I hate when that happens.
Do I try new medications, exercise more.... shoot myself...
So many choices... so little time.
Just in case you were wondering, I will try more exercise and medications first.
My life just seemed to be falling down all around me and I couldn't do anything to stop it.
All I could do was sit and watch everything go to hell.
Well now I am trying to get back to whatever normal is.
Trying to figure out what my goals are and how to reach them.
What do I really want?
Are my goals attainable?
Or am I just fooling myself?
Will I be able to reach my weight goals?
(Did I mention that I fired my trainer??)
Do I truly want to go back to school and finish up my degree in the MBA program?
Or do I go back to school and do what I think I really want to do?
Do I go back and get a degree in fine art photography?
Do I go into music? ....... most likely not.... But I do love playing.
Maybe I should rename this The Bitch of Losing... And Gaining...
Gaining a clue that is.
So here we go again.
Please stick around for the ride.
It should at least be interesting.
Posts
Thanks for this post, Michelle. I find inspiration in your blog--largely because you're so honest and willing to blog about the the shite as well as the highs.
ReplyDeletePlease hang in there! Depression sucks, but (in my experience) it doesn't last forever.
Whenever you're ready to return to your blog, you'll have readers here waiting.
~Rose
P.S. Michele, not Michelle. Don't mind the fact that I can't spell.
ReplyDelete(And, yeah...don't stay away from your blog for too long!)
~Rose
Michele ~ I know how much you are struggling....know you are not alone in your quest for losing and gaining. We are all on a journey ~ let's take the ride together!
ReplyDeletedon't give up, take your time with the weight loss and keep playing, your on awesome musician. I wish I would have kept playing. But too busy with career and family I guess.
ReplyDeleteHi Michele-
ReplyDeleteI just read some of your previous posts. Wow! That's a pretty stringent workout regimen. More like boot camp, gurl. Don't be so hard on yourself. Losing 2.5lbs in a week is great! Better than nothing, eh? Stop watching "Biggest Loser", baby.
I, too struggle with weight but I eventually had to just let it go. Guess what? I started losing. I overheard a conversation about Basal Metabolic Rate and calorie deficit. I got curious and looked it up. Nutshell: BMR = # of calories your body needs to maintain your current weight. Consume 500 less than that per day and you lose a pound a week or more depending on your level of activity.
Because of all my years of dieting, I have a sort of unconcious awareness of how many calories is in a serving of anything so I don't really feel like I'm counting. I eat 1400-1700 calories of whatever (try to be healthy) per day. I've been losing 2-3 pounds per week without fail.
I haven't really upped my exercise. I have two dogs that I walk about a mile a day(not even every day) and I sit at a computer for most of the day.
I can't say it's super easy but that whole no pain, no gain thingie is bullshit. I started April 29 at 236lbs, now, I'm 217lbs. Everyone's all like, "OMG! Your weight loss is so drastic!" They're totally shocked when I tell them it's only 2-3lbs a week. It adds up. They all want to know what I'm eating and I'm all like, "Well, today I had a big ass burrito for lunch." Don't diet. DO read the labels on food, even if you think you know. I was shocked to find out how many calories were in one of those little containers of Trader Joe's hummus!
Also, my ADHD is being treated, finally. And since my depression was secondary to my ADHD, my mood has improved.
Part of my disassociative/hyperactive impulse was eating. I have more of an awareness of what I'm putting in my mouth, and now, I'm all like, "Hey! Put that down!" My psychiatrist warned me that the medication would supress my appatite. I was all like, "NOTHING supresses my appatite." He said, "This will." It didn't. He told me that I was the only patient he ever had that had that reaction!
What it does do for me is supress the impulse to eat compulsively. Being hungry causes me a lot of anxiety. I'm still hungry (last night I dreamed about a full Thanksgiving dinner) but I'm not anxious.
Talk to your doctor. Fat is not what ails us. Depression, anxiety, mood imbalance does.
Sorry for the long post. I like your blog. You seem really cool.
Michele,
ReplyDeleteYou are an extraordinary person. I know we are different people over 20 years, but your heart can't change. You are probably the most caring and generous person I have known. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you growing up. I would like to try to repay at least a little of what you gave me. Please let me help you in your journey. Deb